Once More A New Beginning

6th Dec 2004 - The return of the Prodigal son

I was actually looking forward to my return throughout the whole week. I've been telling my friends that I'm actually returning "home". But as I waited for Kai at Mos burger, doubts and anxiety raced across my mind a million times during the 30 mins wait. I was worried about committing my life to returning "home". I was worried I would disappoint my Father and myself. However, the butterflies in my tummy ceased when I walked into the auditorium. In the first ten minutes that I entered His home, I felt such a welcoming atmosphere as if there were no dark spots on me at all. I felt worthy. I felt that Blood had covered my shame and weakness. I was welcomed back home. I whispered a thank you prayer silently ... ...

28th Nov 2004 - The start of a new struggle

With love in my heart, I made a decision to put aside a habit that would hurt Kai and my family. It was easy initially to stop totally. There was no urge at all in the first few days to pick up a cigarette and start puffing. But as the days went by, the itch of having a puff as I made my way out of my house and puffing after my meals, got stronger and stronger. There were times where i looked anywhere, there were temptations to sneak a whiff of the potent mix of sweet chemicals. I took the challenge on a day to day basis. Each time i passed a counter selling cigarettes, i told myself i could save the money for something more important. I told myself that I had to persevere for myself, Kai and my family. Its a mental challenge. I want to challenge myself not to puff even when i'm facing down times. I began this struggle because I wanted a new beginning. A new life. A new love. A life of commitment and love. Its a struggle that I want to live with now.

26 Oct 2004 - A new journey

It all began with a birthday cookie, wine, beer and a comfy sofa at Mdm Wong. Its the day I met Kai, the Kai i fell in love with. Kai is amazing. I've never been able to hold heart to heart conversations with someone that i'm magnetized with. Kai makes it easy. Time spent with her has been like taking whiskey shots. There is never enough time for me to spend with her. Hours become minutes when we talk. Details in my mind become fuzzy. Leaving only memorable imprints of time spent with her in my heart.

Each time i leave your side, i'm already forgetting the past and yearning to spend new sunrises with you. I hope for much but nothing much.